Friday, September 29, 2006

I'm turning my back . . .

I'm turning my back on what I see, blocking it out from my mind and heart.
I don't say it doesn't bother me. I say, why bother what I think?
I don't just turn my back, I turn words around too.
Perhaps I'm really not as simple as I think. I hit back where it stings.

What I don't say is that I'm forcing a change. One that blocks what I don't like out of my head, out of my heart.

It's working. Hardening my heart once more, building this protective wall around it. The walls don't usually stay up long. I hope they do this time. Hope they don't marshmallow again.

The lack of respect & disappointment helps too much.

I turn my back on those who lose my respect. Those who let the levels of respect dip to dangerous levels. Those who let go of their beliefs. Those who cease to love themselves.

The minimal amount of respect is given each time we meet someone new. From there, as we get to know the person, the level of respect can go up or down the scale or even remain status quo.

Respect is earned. Not given. So don't try to wing it.

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 11:04 am 3 comments

Monday, September 25, 2006

My 2 days of Braces

It's been a weird 2 days ... fiddling with braces, brushing teeth excessively etc.

I woke up this morning to a mouth full of blood and blood clots.
It was horrifying. Reminded me of this book about Marburg, a disease somewhat like Ebola, only worse. Couldn't get the bleeding to stop, so my mum took me to A&E @ Eastshore.

The doctor couldn't do anything to stop it at first, only told me to bite on the gauze.
In the end, he used tweezers to stuff gauze into my tooth socket. Ouch, that hurt!
But the bleeding stopped.

The dentist said it's pretty normal. So did the doctor @ the A&E.
So wahlah, I got 1 day mc.

I slept most of the day away. Perhaps felt lethargic from the blood loss *chuckles*
I just hope I don't wake up again to a mouthful of blood.

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 9:43 pm 1 comments

I lost my tooth.

Shit, I think I lost my extracted tooth. I think my maid threw it away. *sulk*

Anyhow, a photo of me with braces =)
I know I'm cute *big big bracey grin*

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 7:48 pm 0 comments

Friday, September 22, 2006

In Anticipation for nothing . . .

Perhaps I've been mentally preparing myself sooo much for the pain that when there wasn't any, I was slightly disappointed.
Not that I wanted to feel the pain. It's the "I'm prepared not to do ... and not do ..." and then you realise you don't have to not do anything.

It turned out to be painless. Was deciding whether or not to douse myself with painkillers before the anaethesia wore off. I didn't touch those painkillers at all.
Not kidding. I think even a friend who wanted to make fun of me suddenly didn't feel like saying much at all.

To put it simply, the painless event turned out to be somewhat like a "party pooper"!

And so I'm stuck with a back-to-back shift, which was arranged in preparation for the pain.

The only good thing about all this is that I get to get my braces tomorrow!
In anticipation of the pain & losing somemore weight.
Perhaps I am psycho. =)

Perhaps no amount of pain can touch me anymore.

I'm jaded. Told yet another friend that.
She said I wasn't doing too badly.
I think I am. I'm numb. To everyone, including you you and you.
Numb in the senses and the heart.
Numb coz of all the pain I've felt in the past year.

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 1:17 pm 1 comments

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Before & After

I had my 4th permanent tooth extracted today. The previous 3 were extracted in my secondary school days. I have my tooth!

The deed is done. That's all I can say.
Have been having nightmares the last week, about dentists extracting my teeth.
It's not the extracting that is painful or traumatic. It's the aftermath.
Those who have been thru this would know it.
The pain hits when the anaesthesia wears off. Shit. I'm still in the numb anaesthesia state. Oh Pain hit me later!

I had second thoughts this morning. I wanted to oversleep. Thought of cancelling my appointment. Courageous me dragged myself out of bed! =) Kudos to phy!

Wanted to take a Before/After shot of myself. I gathered I have plenty of Before photos to show for.
Now I have my tooth to show for. (I'll put a pic of it on my blog!)
As for the After shot, yeah, why not... will do so when i get the gauze out of my mouth!

This, today, is the start of a painful off day. =)

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 11:44 am 0 comments

GSO Phylicia Hwam

I think I look pretty different in my uniform.
Out of 2 friends I met, 1 couldn't recognise me while the other could.
*shrugs*

You tell me!

This is me in uniform! Couldn't get a full length shot. Ah well...
Evidently I do have cute cheeks! =)

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 12:51 am 0 comments

Monday, September 18, 2006

The Service Industry & Me

Perhaps in more ways than I could have ever imagined, I was made for the service industry - the industry of trying to make others happy, fulfilling their requests no matter how weird or demanding they get, the industry of just trying and trying your best for others & also, the industry of just putting on a smile for everyone even when they irritate you most.

Or, perhaps I was put there to learn tolerance, not that my tolerance quotient is lower than any of yours.

My tolerance level is getting to hazardous levels - to the point at which I wonder if any more demanding people can affect me anymore. To the point at which I wonder how much less I'm willing to settle for...

I keep smiling, only coz my brain gets me to smile somehow. Tired I smile, Sad I smile, Angry I smile, Happy I smile . . .
Perhaps when the sky starts falling upon me like a blanket, I'll still smile.

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 1:26 am 4 comments

Thursday, September 14, 2006

tribute to my glassboard

2 'great' things happened.

1. My maid broke my glassboard, the one I so proudly do not clean coz my friends make their mark on it. To say it broke is an understatement. What I saw was an entire floor of glass. There was no "perhaps I can piece it back together". Shit happens!

2. I found the telescope viewer thingys! OMG!

God is fair? I suppose so.


Looking around my room, I can only start thinking of things I can throw out and the new stuff I can buy to put in! OOOoooooOOOhhhh Yeah!

I've got soooo much crap in my room, it's unbelievable.
Oh, and the only reason why I'm uncovering buried treasures in my room is coz we're repainting the house and my room gets a new coat of paint too =)
Yippee!

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 12:43 pm 0 comments

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Good sign?

I just looked at my old blog and realised the vast difference in writing.
Writing - the stuff I write about and the way I write.

It's like looking back at the walk I took called "Life" and realising the different kinds of steps I took, the skips, the trips, and the hops and jumps.
Photographs and all - the evidence of a life once trodden on.

I'm looking for a holiday companion and a destination.
I don't want to get burnt coz I'm trying to PRESERVE my fair skin.
But I sooo want to go to a beach resort, relax on the deck chairs, read a book.
If I go, I'll prob be one of those ladies with huge sunglasses, a HUGE hat, sitting under the HUGE brolly. Sad ... and all for the sake of outward superficial beauty.
*points to my head* "That would be me - phy."

And so, the dilemma goes on.
When Where Whom . . .
Any takers? Only females please. Males are not allowed. At this moment, even if you labelled me lesbian, I'd say yes I am. Just don't.

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 9:57 pm 2 comments

My Wednesday Off . . .

Started the morning with my motorcycle lesson 5 - Circuit test.
Heehee =)

Me, Phylicia Hwam, had 3 immediate failures and 18 points.
Theoretically speaking, without the 3 immediate failures, I would have passed.
But practically and honestly speaking, sparing you all my excuses, with 3 immediate failures, I most definitely failed.
Hahahaha! I burst out laughing when the instructor said, "Xiao Jie, you have SOOOO many immediate failures leh!"

Excuse me, before you make fun of my riding skills, 2 out of 3 of my immediate failures was coz I forgot to wait for the instructor's signal to go. Dang! *smacks forehead*

Anyhow, it was fun.

PLUS, a cute guy Ah Kai rode me around, practising pillioning skills.
Major +++!

Few things get me down recently. Perhaps my job has taught me to let things go, especially things that piss me off. Can't be that bad when I'm learning to let go, right?

I also fixed my dental appointment - my 1st step to extracting my 4 wisdom teeth & of course, filling those deep pockets of the dentist & mostly, losing perhaps a kg or 2!!

I hope the sun hides its face now, so I can get some exercise =)

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 11:51 am 1 comments

Ripping someone off AGAIN . . .

I ripped this off someone's blog. Nice =)


1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?Hardly anyone I know! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!!

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 11:45 am 1 comments

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

This Photo deserves a post of its own...

To illustrate our rooms retreat @ ubin, with thunderous rain & smelly mud!

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 9:44 am 0 comments

Monday, September 11, 2006

Partying partying partying...

I've finally been to Zouk. Yes, until yesterday, I hadn't been there.
Conclusion: Zouk sucks on saturdays. No R&B. Boooohooo! =)

Had a great night at MoS on wednesday with some people from all over Hyatt... good-looking ones, guests, ex-schoolmate!?! etc.
Fun fun fun, that's all I can say. Love Hyatt, not so much the building or management, but the people who make Grand Hyatt Singapore a hyatt hotel --> the frontline service people (read: me & my friends) =)

Here's some of my dearest club colleagues:

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 12:57 am 1 comments

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The Past Week

It's been eventful yet non-eventful. Fun yet somewhat depressing.
I would say it was quite a good week.

Offroad cycling in Ubin on thursday, the last day of August, was FUN. With a bunch of quirky colleagues... & the generous showers of blessings from the heavens ... what can I say?
Drenched, muddy fun, that's what I had. Will upload some photos on that soon =)
Brudder, I say we have a go at it! What say you? With byron and all?
Oh com'on, I know you tune in to my blog quite often! Let's go!

Anyhow, Ubin on thursday and DblO on friday.


| View | Add Favorite

DblO music sucks. O Bar is much better =) Better scenery too...
Plus new enthusiastic party animals... heehee


| View | Add Favorite

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 12:31 pm 1 comments

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Hard decisions

The hard decision.
Which is it?
Is it the "Phy ought to just disappear" or is it the "Phy will stick around and not expect to gain anything out of it."

All you out there,
How many of you truly understand the entire situation?
None of you.
Some of you, only part of it.
Perhaps one side of it.
Some, perhaps abit of each side.

To me, the harder decision to make would be to stick around & not expect anything.
There is so much more pain and yet so much more I have to deal with on my own.
How many of you would go thru that much pain so that the other person can get what they want?

How many of you would wait for the person you love and not expect anything out of it in the end?
How many of you would bolt and run the moment you know the other person MIGHT not reciprocate your feelings?

My heart is sold.
Someone ought buy it back for me, I pray.
Rob, snatch, pay if you have to.
And my heart will be yours to keep.

You are so mistaken.
I don't expect anything.
I only always question why someone who claims cares so much for me, will not do the same for me.
I only always question why someone who claims enjoys my company more than others, will not come looking for me or make an effort to ENJOY my company.
Is that true care or love, whether the lovey dovey sort or not?
It is not, not that most of us would believe.
I question the truth with which you claim your words hold.
Stop lying. You you and you.

No one cares this way. No one enjoys another's company this way.
Treasure your loved ones, they say.
Love is unconditional, they say.

Have I been hurt alot?
Yes.
Am I depressed?
The test I did said I was manic-depressive.
Do I need a new heart?
Yes. For I don't want to love like I do/did.
Do I need a new brain?
Yes. For I don't want to remember the pain.

Posted by PhyQuirks. at 1:33 pm 2 comments